Through The Thoughts Of An Ordinary Girl

Last night J and I managed to get pissed together and by pissed I don't mean alcohol pissed but pure mad emotion pissed. And why? Simply because of the pure idiocy of guys. Yes, once again, the male species has managed to enrage us. 

They will never and I mean NEVER understand what a girl truly thinks on the inside while she is cleverly displaying something else on the outside. There is no 'nice' girl in this world who is just purely nice. Humans aren't made to be nice creatures, we have been made to survive. Yes we evolve and develop but essentially we still have it innate in us to survive. Hence there cannot be a nice girl or guy for that matter 24/7 round the clock 365 days of the year. This simply cannot be. Those who are like this, just have repressed negative feelings and guilt within which eventually will bite them in the butt. 

It eventually catches up with us that our guy friends notice a nice girlfriend from one of our friendship groups and obviously would want to get to know them better. Oh yeah and lets face the facts, looks do count. However guys lets just say it once again, GIRLS SHOW A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SIDE WHEN THEY ARE IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. Girls are doomed to be bitches and we will always be bitching about one another. It is inevitable. If a guy bitches as much as a guy then chances are he is most likely homosexual or bisexual. You can bitch but then you ought to have your facts and good damn reason to be bitching behind someone's back and be ready to admit it at anytime, bottom line-dont bitch if you dont know anything or if youre just bored. 

Of course there is the thing of when you are extremely good friends or best friend with the guy(s) and they understand you completely. Or so you thought so. You can open up completely with them, be yourself, reveal all the faults and scars as well as all the laughter and good memories. Thats what best friends are there for no? Honesty is the best thing for a healthy relationship, regardless whether its friendship or a love relationship. I wasn't honest with my bestie until just a year ago when I just split everything and opened up completely and now its just been a load of my chest and I have someone to talk to about absolutely e-v-er-y-t-h-i-n-g. Best friends are there for you ALWAYS. Like REALLY ALWAYS. Its like an unspoken bond of friendship people make when they become 'best friends'. You will always get to a point of doubting them at some point in life but why would they really lie to you? Why would they make a big deal out of something if it just hurt them that much? Its their cry out for YOUR help. So f*cking help them. 

Opening up to close good girlfriends is one thing, to guys its another. Getting hurt from guys can be seen as cliche but hey IT ACTUALLY HURTS and the pain is indescribable. One of my ex boyfriends has disappointed me over and over. We are still friends and I would like to think we can still read each other easily but recently I have gotten the feeling he only talks to me when he is in need of something. Loof. Regardless, he can be a good friend but a boyfriend is another thing. He has to understand that courtship and 'love' is somewhat a game where you always put your stakes at risk with no regrets. Attraction is something you just feel when you meet someone. Some call it chemistry and yes there would be sparks felt if two people are attracted to each other. I have always been supportive of whom he has chosen to go after but Ive always doubted that hes actually gotten the point of attraction. Has he felt it yet? Has he ever? I'm not writing this to thrash him and this entry isn't completely pointless but I'm just confused as to how such an academically smart person can just not be emotionally smart. My bestie got mad last night also because of him after I went on about how I just do not understand his thinking. He has been told stories and incidents about a particular girl but he is still stuck on  the fact that she is naive. Even if you are brought up a princess, you want particular things and know how to get particular things. Either way, when you are best friends or good friends with someone regardless the bias of what they are shouting about, if they are wasting their time shouting about something and crying too then its something worth to be taken note of. When there is more than one account of a back lashing of such a person then something just can't be right no? Why don't you just stand by your friend's side just for once. Yes, its good and 'right' to be rational or devil's advocate but not everyone wants to hear it all the time and ironically enough rationally never always works out. If a girl is two faced then how can rationally judge her inner self? 

Is it because she is hot and thats why she is 'fine' or 'cleared' for a friend test? We are all shallow but when it comes to reading your good friend's friends, look HARDER. Girls and I guess boys for that matter are never just a plain face during a first encounter. Competition is always among girls because this is provoked by jealously but if friends are good friends, you would always be happy for your friend who has achieved something they deserve. You may feel abit jealous at the beginning but at the end of the day you truly feel happy for them. If at the end of the day you still feel extremely jealous then perhaps consideration of the friendship should be looked upon because you DO have a problem with that person.  

We all make mistakes. True that. However, we make mistakes in order to develop and LEARN from them. Repeating the same mistakes and experiencing regrets over and over just means you're doing something wrong and dude you gotta reflect on that. When I got dumped, yeah the world felt like it was falling apart and stuff but for some reason I still felt the need to just remain friends with him. Why? Perhaps because I felt at the time that the friendship was just not worth losing because of the bad relationship. Few years down the line and I watch or more like hear from afar about the stories of his romances. He still sounds as confused as ever. Playing girls is a big NO no. Hes managed to hurt another girl and is on the way to hurt just one more. Last night, for some reason, the extreme pain which I experienced those few years ago came back and UGH it was not pleasant and I would hate for it to happen to another girl. Its inevitable because it will but I hope he bucks up soon and just lets whatever comes to him to actually just come to him. I sincerely hope he gets better at reading people because it'll save him alot of trouble in the long run. Then again, perhaps a guy is forever doomed to never be able to attain the attribute of reading girls. Thats what makes it a love game I guess. 

However in terms of friendship, never be narrow minded and whether your bestie tells you, be open to all the possibilities and look at it from both a guy's and girl's point of view. Try and understand because we always try to figure out whats going on in your head too. 

oh yeah P.S.

THERE IS NO GIRL IN THIS WORLD WHO IS COMPLETELY NICE  

so look deeper. 

What is so bad about admitting to our faults and innate desires? Striving to be the nicest person is the path to becoming inhuman. I'm not spouting crap. Be true to yourself and people will love you for who you truly are. Plus, its easier being just yourself isn't it?

Take this clown for example...her reputation in HS was a 'nice' person.

She can be a complete klutz and goof who fluctuates between being responsible and irresponsible from day to day. She loves parties and dressed up events but at the same time sweat shop wear while pigging out at home. She admits sex is necessary and enjoys it but still has her expectations and limitations. AKA shes shallow. She's materialistic and has a shopaholic problem but still has it in her head that she wants to make a huge butt fortune before marriage. Shes sceptical of everything in life but still is a dreamer. Ya she has dreams. She lies like everyone else but owns up to all of them and says what she truly thinks. She 's extremely sensitive so she ends up crying alot. Of course shes bitched but she'd own up to it too. She has smoked, does that automatically give her a designated label? She has been hurt over and over many times and never searched for help until recently. She doesn't confine to all the rules in life or morals for that matter but still respects her Azn heritage. She is most afraid of abandonment and failure. She wants to live up to be the seductive and manipulative snake she ought to be.

She isn't afraid to show what she truly is and has a tendency to make a big deal out of everything. Does not trust guys so she will never betray her true friends and will always be by their side when they need her the most. She can get very cocky but kicks her own ass down to reality as well as other people's when she can't stand their self pity anymore. She can be extremely loud and 75% of the time has a messed up room. BUT loves cleaning too. Everything about her is ironic.  

and obviously she can act to be a princess too. Or 'desire' to be one. She just wants to live her life the way she feels the happiest with her loved ones, friends and family with no regrets. You can't tell all that by just looking at her no?

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I feel like I have lost my thoughts from this post. 

I need to go to a temple to pray mann. See this is how badly guys can mess girls up.
fml.
No, I love my life.