Some things just seem like a weird dream, just like today when I awoke to my flatmate scurrying around. I semi recall having a brief conversation with her before rolling back to sleep thinking I had another hour before I had to get up. 1 hour 30 mins later, I jolted out of bed-shyte, I would have to run to class now. Major sigh but high at the same time. For some reason, I find delight in challenging myself to get to places in time within a set time. I ended up leaving 15 minutes later which meant I had another 15 minutes to get to class. Some adrenaline pumping.
Everytime I run to class, I skip traffic lights, dodge people and take shortcuts. Its weird because in the midst of things, time seems to slow down and my thoughts start to trail off thinking, 'that girl should not wear that skirt with those shoes.....oo valentines day balloons....doggie!!..........it would hurt if i ran into that stone bench......what if a car just crashed into me now?' And i keep running and running till I get to class. (I made it today by the way-score)
Baseline is that we always take life for granted and its inevitable that we do. Yes, until something major happens to us. Such as this morning after my first lecture, I get a fb message from my cous, '..yeye has passed away'. I find myself pacing up and down the road randomly before noticing waterworks breaking out. Thousand of thoughts filled my mind, 'should i call my mum?.....how is gran????....why didnt i spend more time the last time i saw him? why him?'
Why him? I have my own thoughts and why he met his downfall but still, he was my grandfather. I have memories of being his only second granddaughter and it breaks me to think that the family structure has just cracked and its only going to get worse here on. Family drama that is.
To lose a love one, some say its the end of the world or a piece of them as been torn out. Yes, a fragment has been torn away-mentally but not physically. Life is unfair and I dont agree with how we should embrace it but I do stand for how we should live without any regrets and we are the only ones who can make things happen for ourselves. And once we've helped ourselves, we can help others. Life is too short for regrets, money is important but is made to be used in this world and if you want to see that person for the last time, then you should go buy that ticket and go home.
:(
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